Improve Relationship Communication: Seven Ways to Strengthen Emotional Connection

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. It fosters trust, intimacy, and emotional connection. However, over time, stress and misunderstandings can erode communication, leaving couples feeling disconnected and isolated. Fortunately, Drs. John and Julie Gottman have spent decades developing Gottman Couples Therapy—an evidence-based approach designed to enhance communication and resolve conflict. Through their "Sound Relationship House" model, couples can build lasting connections by improving communication and deepening emotional bonds.

This “house,” which symbolizes stability, is built on a foundation of trust and commitment and features seven key levels:

1. A love map. This is a tool used to learn about your partner's emotional world – their likes, dislikes, dreams, and fears. Learning about your partner can help you both feel more emotionally connected and secure in the relationship. This can be done by asking open-ended questions, being curious about each other, and being attentive to your partners preferences.
2. Fondness and admiration for your partner. Showing appreciation for your partner is crucial for a stable and successful relationship. Focus on providing positive interactions with each other, including offering compliments, expressing gratitude, and showing acts of kindness and affection. This fosters a strong emotional foundation for your relationship.
3. Turning towards each other rather than away. In relationships, each partner often makes a ‘bid’ for each other's attention. These can be in various forms, such as asking about your partner's day, or being available for each other. The manner in which the partner responds to these bids, either engaging with them or dismissing them can play a large role in relationship stability. To strengthen your relationship, turn towards each other and seek moments of connection with the bids.
4. The positive perspective. Giving your partner the benefit of the doubt and assuming the best can be beneficial in strengthening your relationship. Think about a situation in which your partner forgot to do a chore such as taking the trash out. In this scenario, aim to be positive, and believe it was because they were busy or forgot, rather than being intentional or inconsiderate. The act of giving them the benefit of the doubt allows you to be on the same team to solidify your union.
5. Conflict management. This level is a three-step process, in which first, the couple learns to consider each other’s feelings. Understanding that your partner has emotions and feelings as complex as yours is an important phase in this level. The second stage is to discuss problems with your partner. Ensure both partners feel heard and understood. Using “I” statements can help to express your feelings, rather than blaming your partner. The final stage of conflict management is learning and implementing practices to stay calm and relaxed during discussions. Aim to be mindful of your language and tone when talking with your partner, and notice when you become emotionally overwhelmed, as this is a good indicator of needing to engage in some self-soothing practices.
6. Make life dreams come true. In a strong relationship, partners support each other in realizing their life goals. These dreams can range from career aspirations and travel goals to personal growth and starting a family. Gottman emphasizes the importance of encouraging and being part of your partner’s dreams. Partners can support each other by taking an active role in making the dream happen, showing genuine interest and regularly checking in with each other about goals and aspirations.
7. Creating shared meaning with goals, routines, and symbols. This is one of the highest levels in a relationship. It involves establishing a sense of togetherness through shared goals, routines, traditions, and even symbols that represent your journey together. This can look like learning a new hobby together, creating a Sunday routine for chores, eating dinners together, or having something symbolic such as a song or piece of artwork that represents shared memories.

Strengthening the Foundation

To strengthen these levels and principles, couples can learn how to improve communication, foster empathy, and develop positive interactions that outweigh negative ones. Good communication can serve a myriad of  purposes, such as preventing and resolving conflicts, creating deeper understanding, and building bonds. Couples communication skills training is a tool that can be utilized to enhance and refine these skills. It utilizes an understanding and practice of active listening, reframing statements, nonverbal communication, and repairing interactions.

Maintaining a strong, healthy relationship requires intentional effort, and good communication is at the heart of this. Through the Gottman Method, couples can build lasting connections by focusing on understanding, empathy, and trust. By working through the seven levels of the Sound Relationship House – such as creating love maps, fostering admiration, turning toward each other, and managing conflict – partners can establish a deeper emotional connection and build a foundation that supports their individual dreams and shared meaning.

Are you Ready to Build Your House?

To help couples strengthen these communication skills, Deepwater Counseling is hosting a series of free workshops to help you and your partner practice and refine these techniques in a supportive environment. These workshops will provide hands-on activities to enhance active listening, conflict resolution, and empathy building, using Gottman’s evidence-based approach. Whether you're just starting out or looking to deepen your bond, these workshops are a great opportunity to develop essential communication skills. Learn more about the workshop series here.