October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a time to speak out, share knowledge, and support survivors. Domestic violence affects millions of people every year and crosses all backgrounds, ages, and identities. Many people think domestic violence means only physical harm. In reality, abusive relationships do not have to include physical violence. Abuse often begins quietly, through control, manipulation, and emotional harm that slowly take away a person’s confidence and independence. Understanding how power and control work inside an abusive relationship is one of the most important steps toward prevention and healing.
The Core of Abuse: Power and Control
At the heart of every abusive relationship is power. The abuser seeks to control their partner’s actions, emotions, and choices. They often create confusion by mixing cruelty with moments of affection, making the victim doubt their own reality.
Some common signs of power and control include:
• Twisting the truth to blame the victim
• Refusing to take responsibility for hurtful actions
• Controlling access to money, friends, or information
• Acting superior or entitled
• Turning others against the victim
When one person controls another, the relationship becomes unsafe and unequal.
The Many Faces of Abuse
Abuse shows up in many forms, some visible and others hidden. Below are several ways power and control appear in relationships.
Verbal Abuse. Words can cut deeply. Abusers use insults, sarcasm, name-calling, or humiliation to damage confidence and silence their partners.
Emotional Abuse. Emotional abuse chips away at self-worth. It might include isolation, blame, threats, or humiliation. The goal is to make the victim feel unworthy and dependent.
Financial Abuse. Controlling money is another way to trap someone. Abusers may take paychecks, restrict spending, or refuse to let their partner work, leaving them powerless to leave.
Physical Abuse. Physical abuse can involve hitting, shoving, or other violent acts. It can also include destroying property, driving recklessly to scare someone, or blocking exits to control movement.
Psychological Abuse. Psychological abuse uses fear and confusion to dominate. Common tactics include threats, stalking, jealousy, or gaslighting that make the victim question their own reality.
Sexual Abuse. Sexual abuse is not about desire; it is about power. It happens when someone forces or pressures sex, ignores consent, or uses intimacy to punish or manipulate.
Spiritual Abuse. When faith or beliefs are twisted to control someone, that is spiritual abuse. An abuser might shame, mock, or use religious teachings to demand obedience.
Social Abuse. Isolation is a powerful weapon. Abusers may stop their partner from seeing friends or family, spread lies, or humiliate them publicly to cut off support.
Abuse Involving Children. Children are sometimes used to hurt or manipulate a partner. This can include threats to take them away, using them to spy, or withholding child support.
Cultural Abuse. Cultural abuse happens when someone uses traditions, language, or identity as a weapon, mocking culture or forcing someone to abandon it to gain control.
Pets and Property. Abusers often target what their partner loves most. Hurting pets, breaking sentimental items, or damaging property are cruel ways to cause emotional pain.
Intellectual Abuse. This form of abuse tears down a person’s confidence in their intelligence or talents. It includes mocking ideas, taking credit, or refusing to acknowledge success.
Manipulation. Manipulation ties all these behaviors together. Abusers twist situations to make the victim feel responsible for the abuse, keeping them trapped in guilt and confusion.
Breaking the Cycle
Recognizing these behaviors is the first step toward freedom and safety. Abuse thrives insilence, so speaking up and seeking support can make all the difference.If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship:
• Talk to someone you trust
• Reachout to a local shelter or hotline
• Create a safety plan before leaving
You deserve to feel safe, respected, and free from fear. Healthy relationships are built on equality, kindness, and trust, not control or intimidation. If you need help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit www.thehotline.org. Trained advocates are available 24/7 to offer confidential support and resources. You are not alone. Help is here, and healing is possible.
If you need additional support through counseling, reach out to us here or call 734.203.0183 ext. 700.
--Amanda Klaus, LCSW